I don't know why I am so full of false pride, but I am, and I have a huge amount of anxiety, so writing this is extremely difficult for me. Admitting what I am about to say is causing my heart to race to the point I feel like closing my laptop and forgetting the whole thing. I've gone over this post in my head again and again, and now that I've waited until the last hour to post this entry I have no idea what I am going to say.
I've posted in the past that I wanted to run a 5K, but I never told you why I have yet to run. It's because I can't. I tried. I was walking 4-5 days a week, 3 miles each time, and at a good pace, but I couldn't run. I can't run. I can't because I'm too fat. I'm not 20 or 30 pounds over weight; I am obese. I haven't always been over weight. In fact, I was a size 6 in my mid-twenties which is, honestly, too thin for my body type. I don't know why I've gained so much weight. It may be because I was a two pack a day smoker and quit several years ago. It might be because I'm genetically predestined to be obese (my paternal grandmother, who I take after, was obese). It could even be because I gained too much weight with my first pregnancy and never lost that weight. The why no longer matters. What does matter is that I am still fat.
Almost two years ago I drastically changed my eating habits and started exercising. However, over the past 3 months I've made some really bad choices and started eating high fat foods. I'd like to say it's because I busted my ass and only lost 20 pounds, but honestly, I just gave up. I'm not walking as much as I was and I know I need to; I still plan on running that 5K.
The one really positive thing I have done is fall in love with yoga. I have been practicing for just over a year now. I started out going once a week, then twice, and now I try and attend three classes a week. I'm able to hold side plank (not with my foot extended) whereas a year ago I couldn't even get into that position. So, I love yoga. Being the weight that I am makes some of the positions difficult, and I know that I could do more if I was thinner and yes, healthier. It's one of those catch 22 situations. I'd walk more if I wasn't so fat, but if I walked more I wouldn't be so fat.
So, if you're still reading I'm sure you are asking yourself, what are you going to do about it Marye? I've decided to have gastric surgery. No, not the by-pass; it’s too dangerous. I don't want the band either; there are too many complications like slippage, and the port flipping. So, after researching every possibility, I've decide I want the gastric sleeve. The surgeon would go in, staple my stomach and remove a section of it. Below is a brief video describing the procedure:
My insurance requires that I participate in a 6 month managed weight loss program before I have the surgery. I am just in my first month, but I am committed to following through with this since I feel like it is the only option I have left.
I would love for you to stay tuned as I report on my progress, surgery and recovery. In the mean time, if you are interested in weight loss or at least eating consciously, I’d like to invite you to join MyFitnessPal.com. Its a diet and fitness community that you can join and participate in completely free of charge. You can enter your daily food diary from your computer or an app on your phone. If you want to friend me, my screen name is Runn53. I look forward to having you join me on my journey.