Wednesday, February 29, 2012

My Fitness Journey

This is the post I said I'd never write. This is the one I don't want anyone to read. So, why am I posting in now, when I know that it will be read by a hundred other bloggers is beyond me. 


I don't know why I am so full of false pride, but I am, and I have a huge amount of anxiety, so writing this is extremely difficult for me. Admitting what I am about to say is causing my heart to race to the point I feel like closing my laptop and forgetting the whole thing. I've gone over this post in my head again and again, and now that I've waited until the last hour to post this entry I have no idea what I am going to say.


I've posted in the past that I wanted to run a 5K, but I never told you why I have yet to run. It's because I can't. I tried. I was walking 4-5 days a week, 3 miles each time, and at a good pace, but I couldn't run. I can't run. I can't because I'm too fat. I'm not 20 or 30 pounds over weight; I am obese. I haven't always been over weight. In fact, I was a size 6 in my mid-twenties which is, honestly, too thin for my body type. I don't know why I've gained so much weight. It may be because I was a two pack a day smoker and quit several years ago. It might be because I'm genetically predestined to be obese (my paternal grandmother, who I take after, was obese). It could even be because I gained too much weight with my first pregnancy and never lost that weight. The why no longer matters. What does matter is that I am still fat.


Almost two years ago I drastically changed my eating habits and started exercising. However, over the past 3 months I've made some really bad choices and started eating high fat foods. I'd like to say it's because I busted my ass and only lost 20 pounds, but honestly, I just gave up. I'm not walking as much as I was and I know I need to; I still plan on running that 5K.


The one really positive thing I have done is fall in love with yoga. I have been practicing for just over a year now. I started out going once a week, then twice, and now I try and attend three classes a week. I'm able to hold side plank (not with my foot extended) whereas a year ago I couldn't even get into that position. So, I love yoga. Being the weight that I am makes some of the positions difficult, and I know that I could do more if I was thinner and yes, healthier. It's one of those catch 22 situations. I'd walk more if I wasn't so fat, but if I walked more I wouldn't be so fat.


So, if you're still reading I'm sure you are asking yourself, what are you going to do about it Marye? I've decided to have gastric surgery. No, not the by-pass; it’s too dangerous. I don't want the band either; there are too many complications like slippage, and the port flipping. So, after researching every possibility, I've decide I want the gastric sleeve. The surgeon would go in, staple my stomach and remove a section of it. Below is a brief video describing the procedure:







 
My insurance requires that I participate in a 6 month managed weight loss program before I have the surgery. I am just in my first month, but I am committed to following through with this since I feel like it is the only option I have left.
I would love for you to stay tuned as I report on my progress, surgery and recovery. In the mean time, if you are interested in weight loss or at least eating consciously, I’d like to invite you to join MyFitnessPal.com. Its a diet and fitness community that you can join and participate in completely free of charge. You can enter your daily food diary from your computer or an app on your phone. If you want to friend me, my screen name is Runn53. I look forward to having you join me on my journey.

71 comments:

Leah said...

Marye! You are so strong for posting this. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you. I'm excited for you to take this journey and do what you need to do so you can be healthy. I'm on myfitnesspal, too. My username is cajunmagnolia. I'll look you up!

You can do this! One day we can run a race together :)

Melinda said...

That's so exciting that you've made the decision to make positive changes in your lifestyle. Keep up the good work.

penguinsandladybugs said...

It takes great courage to put yourself out there! Thanks for taking the leap! I am pumped you love yoga so much. I am overweight (probably technically obese, I don't pay attention right now)and a good 20 to 25 pounds more than I was the last time I went to a yoga class and was overweight then... I love how much you love it and have built up a practice. I'm encouraged by that and am thinking I need to find me a yoga class to get into!!

Hopkins family said...

Thank you for being so vulnerable. That took a lot of courage. You can do it! Keep trying and don't give up.

Julie said...

Girl, you rock! You can do it! I've never ran a 5k before(never ran anything more than that either) but I have committed to running a race this summer with my hubs. I'm quite weak and have no endurance so as you work out, I'll work out too. Keep up on all your hard work!

My SoCal Life said...

it took a lot of courage to write your post for all to read. You've done your homework and you have found what is going to work for you, what is right for you. That's all that matters! good luck on your journey! All the best

Jill said...

Good for you posting this and getting it out there! I wish you all the success in your 6 month plan - and one day you will run that 5km! Anything is possible if you are determined and consistent!

My Little Bit of Life said...

Best of luck to you. One thing that I have found to be wonderful about blogging (even about the embarrassing stuff) is that it makes me accountable and more motivated. I feel like I need to try my best because I put it out there for my readers. Good luck. You can do it!

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom said...

Good luck to you Mayre! I think your honesty will take you far. Seems like there are many bloggers out there, too, offering weight loss/weight management support and I wish you friends and supporters galore.

Eschelle said...

i did the just gave up things recently... i hope to change that soon again.

Kangaroo Mama said...

Good luck on your journey. Having accountability buddies is so important. I jogged/walked a 1/2 marathon in my past and it was super hard work but wouldn't have been possible without the support of friends and family and fitness support group (people having the same goal as you). I hope it all goes well, it's not easy admitting to the challenges in our life so thank you for sharing!

Starlene said...

OH Marye, please don't go through with it. Please do some more research before you do, I am sorry to say I have heard too many bad outcomes. At first (sometimes) everything is okay but ten years down the road it's a disaster. I'm sorry I can't be encouraging about this. I also wanted to tell you that I tried eating high fat foods but with the combination of also eating grains I gained weight. It was not until I started the GAPS Diet that I began to experience weight loss. I hit a plateau in 2011 but then started Dr. Jack Kruse's Leptin Reset which has been great. I lost ten pounds in November and December. Please check out my blog and you can see my before and after photos on the About tab. I tried loving my body for years but was so unhappy. I still am not much into exercise but I am maintaining my weight. I no longer eat gluten or grains, those are two biggies for me as I never thought I could live without them. In the end you have to do what is best for you so I wish you all the luck with your decision.

Sylver Blaque said...

I was so moved by your honesty & courage. I'm rooting for you!

113tidbits said...

Great inspiration for us bloggers from all over the world.

danibabe2 said...

I understand the struggle that you must be going through. I am on this weight loss maintenance journey (as my blog details - www.changesnextexit.com) and it's so hard.

I'm really proud of you for taking a step in the right direction and doing what is right for you, that takes a lot of courage and dedication. I'm definitely going to be following your blog. Good luck with your journey!

Judith said...

It's so good that you go out and get something done about your situation. I don't like the idea of an operation but if it's the only way forward for you, go for it!

I'm also on MyFitnessPal, starting soon again, I hope, as I'm overweight. I'm Leeswammes.

I hope things will work for you. Good luck!

Dawn Storey said...

Thank you for being so open and honest - so much of what you say resonates with me, more than you know. I really appreciate that you took the chance to put this out there and be vulnerable, and wish you all the very best with your journey.

Jamie O. said...

Weight and health management are always a challenge to all women. Good luck on your journey.

Robin said...

Marye, I'm inspired by your courage. Good luck on your journey to fitness, no matter what paths you decide to follow. I'm going to be checking in to find out what and how you are doing!

Erin O'Riordan said...

I wish you the best. Whatever you choose, may your life be long and healthy.

Victoria M said...

You have done your research on everything I think you will do very well. Good Luck! Easy2Save

Julie said...

I applaude u Marye. I can hear the desperation you feel. You can do it. Just remember, it's not gonna happen overnight. I believe you have the strength to weather the storm. Good Luck

Glenda said...

I also wish you the best as I too am obese I probably am overweight by more than 50 pounds. I am Proud of you for sharing your story and if surgery is right for you I wish you the best but Please be careful as I also have heard it can be dangerous. If you ever need to talk stop by my blog as I would like to know how your doing.

QueenB said...

kudos on being strong enough to post!! i think i was by far the fattest person to do the 2 5k races I "ran" this past fall but i did it. i did couch2 5k. sometimes i did a week twice and i hated most of it along the way but i did it. you can too. it doesn't have to be pretty!!

i'm hoping zumba is fun.

good luck on your journey dear!!

Daily Citron said...

You are really brave to post this. I wish you the best on your journey, and I hope that your pre-surgery weight loss program results in you not having to do surgery at all.

Warrior MAMA said...

What a huge decision! I know many people who have had similar surgeries.

I'm sure the next 6 months will be agony waiting!

:)Lisa

kelli@eatprayreadlove. said...

Wow, I hope that the surgery goes well for you.
I was also small until my early twenties, and gained weight suddenly (Like 50 pounds in 6 months). Turns out I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which usually presents itself in mid-20s and makes ya gain weight. Any chance a dr has mentioned this? I have found success losing weight by cutting out sugar. Not fun, but it works moderately well. Still not stick think (and probably won't ever be again) but definitely in better shape.

marye~ said...

Kelli, I was diagnose with PCOS in 2005 when we were living in Monroe, LA. I blogged about it several years ago. Since that time I haven't been ale to find a doctor that will treat me for it. I took some diabetic medication and lost a good bit of weight without even trying. I've gained that weight back and then some since that time. Thank you for commenting. I appreciate yours and everyone's support.

Mrs. Accountability said...

I wish you the best of luck, and hope your weight loss program helps to solve your problems and you won't need to do surgery. I really don't think it's a good idea, but that's just me.

andrea said...

you can do this - i'm on a journey of fitness and wellness also....

Lou Lou said...

You are insprining others on your journey. Thank you for being brave enough to share with us. I wish you all the best with all your choices...

Amanda said...

I know how scary it can be to post something truly personal for the world to read. I get heart palpitations when I post something personal. And you knew for a fact that 100 people were going to read this. That took an amazing amount of courage. That courage will see you through wherever your journey takes you. Remember to love yourself, no matter what you decide to do.

Busy Mom on the Go said...

That is very commendable to step up and take action. I am following you on twitter!!! Best of luck!! I will hope and pray for a safe surgery and a smooth recovery. =:)

Adelina Priddis said...

You can do this! I'm one of those weirdos that love running, but I don't run all that well. Each year I set a goal to run at least one 5k. I don't care if I have to stop and walk parts of it, but just to be a part of it, and out in the fresh air is so wonderful!
Good luck with your surgery. I know a few who have had this or similar surgeries, and the difference in their appearance, and self confidence just shines through!

life...just saying said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I will say a prayer for you. I hope you find the grace to accomplish all your dreams.

Emily said...

I am cheering for you! I hope things work out for you over these 6 months so that you don't have to go through surgery. You sound very strong! Good luck to you!

Tim, Allyson, and kids said...

I'm glad you want to life a healthy life. I hope you are able to reach your goal!

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Four months ago I entered a natural weight loss program because I was in the same catch 22 situation. I'm happy to report that I'm over 12 kgs lighter since then. I have my reservations about anything invasive hence my choice.
I wish you good luck with your journey.

Anjanette said...

Our cousin had this surgery a little over a year ago and has no regrets. She followed the plan they gave her for afterwards very strictly and still eats very specific things. She feels so much better, though!

Kecia said...

Good luck with your surgery! Weight loss is probably the greatest struggle for many people...myself included. I need to face the music and realize that I am not getting any smaller allowing myself to sit on the couch all evening, eating snacks.

Tracy @ usingtimewisely.com said...

Great job evaluating your choices and forging ahead. The road may not be easy, but you will never change without moving forward. Keep your chin up!

Allie Rambles said...

I applaud you in your efforts to lose weight but please do not go through with the surgery. I have known women that have done these and they feel unhealthy and wish they did not do it.

It just takes time.

I wish I could tell you magic words to help. I have never been obese, just slightly overweight. But I know it is very hard to lose weight.

Either way, I wish you health.

~Allie

Dianna @ practicingfrugal said...

I wish you the best in your procedure. Weight loss is so hard especially after kicking another bad habit. Kudos to you for stopping smoking.

Deedra Hickman said...

My friend has the gastric sleeve procedure and he's thrilled with the results. Good luck!

Kerry Fountain said...

You have me absolutely intrigued! I just blogged about my inability to lose weight and all my doctors complete dismissal of it. Here is a link if you wish to read it http://www.countrylivingonahill.com/2012/03/deal-with-fibro-tuesdays.html

I so desperately want to lose weight and am not sure where to turn so I am interested in learning more about what you are going through!

Britni @ Our Eventual Homestead said...

Thanks for such an honest post! Good luck on your journey. With the right mindset and determination you strike me as a woman who can achieve anything!

Suzy Myers said...

Best of luck to you on your journey! I totally understand where you are coming from and I'm impressed at how honest your post comes across! Thank you for sharing!

suzy

Jeanette said...

Great job, and thank you for sharing!

Shelly said...

Good luck with the surgery I know someone who had the surgery after the 6 months of classes. She did so well with the classes before she even had the surgery she lost weight. Hope you are successful.

Mary @ The Mommy Job said...

Congrats on sharing your story- good luck! You can do it!

Wendy said...

Thank you for posting this! We sit behind the comforts of our computers and no one knows the real us. I wish you all the best with your surgery and on your weight loss journey!


Wendy
Around My Family Table

krystle said...

You have come so far. I hope you have an easy surgery! Thank you for sharing that! I want your courage.

Erin @ My Mommy World said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your weight. I know surgery seems like an easy answer, but I personally know someone who had surgery, lost a bunch of weight and has now gained it back. I just don't think it was worth all the pain and risk. I'm somewhat of a beginner runner and let me tell you, if I can run, anyone can run! You just have to take baby steps. Believe in yourself :)

Layne said...

Best of luck to you as you start this journey!

Katie said...

Very courageous of you to post this. I hope that everything goes well for you. I wish you the best of luck.

Just Jaime said...

You are brave to share your journey. I wish you luck in the future!

Michelle said...

I remember feeling the same way when I needed to take anti-depressants for ppd. Sometimes we just need help. And it's ok to get it. God has provided a lot of good tools to our doctors.

Carrie said...

You are really brave to share that! And I want you to know you CAN do this! I can't wait to hear more of your progress!

Kelley said...

You are going to do great!! You have a positive attitude which is key.

Maura said...

What a life changing decision. I wish you all the best!

Yannie said...

Go! Go! Go! Good luck as you take the challenge.

Marian said...

May you have a successful operation and quick recovery.

Stephanie @ One Sleepy Mom said...

Congratulations on working up the courage to post this. I would never be that strong. And because of that, I know that you will be running that 5K in no time at all. Good luck with your surgery. Sending many happy, healthy, thin thoughts your way!

See You In the Garden said...

Thanks for sharing. I know it is hard to put something down that you know lots of people will see, when you yourself are not happy about it. I commend you for keeping up with it, for still doing something. At least you are trying to run a 5K. I probably could, and want to, yet am doing nothing to get there.

I do find that making smaller goals helps me keep up my attitude and energy to keep going. So with the 5K in mind work backwards and put it into smaller goals. You have proably already done this, so I'm not trying to sound condesinding, I hope it doesn't come across that way. I get easily discouraged when faced with a large goal and always have to remind myself to break it down.

Glad you found something you liked (yoga) and are seeing progress. Keep it up and you will get to that 5K.

SalemMomma said...

Good for you for posting this, it take s a strong person to put their life out there like that. I'm also obese, and working towards being healthy. It's HARD! I'm here if you ever need a friend to talk to.
http://staying-me.com

mymothermode said...

Wishing you all the best and prayers, too. I see myself on a slippery slope sometimes- no self-control here! Just lost exercise time due to toddler naps falling off, but this Tuesday, I made a vow to do stomach exercises 4 times a week, so here we go.

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

Good for you Marye! I hope that it works and you get control of you life and body! Very proud of you for writing this and sharing with us all. Blessings!

AMBER EDWARDS said...

I wish you the best of luck! Surgery is always a scary option, you are quite brave!

I'm like you, I was always so small, and through bad choices, i gained a lot to where now after 3 kids, knee surgery, gallbladder removal, appendix removal, and umbilical surgery, I ended up over 50 pounds overweight, and no matter what I did I couldn't lose it! In my desperate I tried the HCG diet. I'm announcing my results tomorrow (wednesday march 14th) on JadeLouise Designs I share my weight gain story and my results with the diet, plus I get to give 2 readers the opportunity to try the diet themselves!

It is hard to share such a sensitive subject with others, and I commend you for your bravery!

Eleni said...

I'm pretty sure that, at the end of this six-month weight managing program, you won't need to go through surgery. You CAN do it on your own, girl!

Eleni said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hip Marye said...

Hey all, I wanted to let you know that I finally jumped through all the hurdles and had my surgery on October 26, 2012. I am blogging about my recovery and life after surgery at: www.realitydoesnptbit.blogspot.com I'd love for you to stop by

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” mahatma gandhi